Mc-Donalds Play Time

In my short time as a mother I've grown to love the Mc-Donalds play area. There, E can run and play with other kids, I get to enjoy a sweet tea and some time where she is distracted with other things, and she doesn't need my full attention. Honestly it's a win-win for everyone. Because I felt cooped up after a long morning of toast being spread across my dining table, and a toddler who did NOT want to get dressed or have her hair done, period, I was looking to get out of the house. The “daily grind” can be rough when it's never the same, and your whole day depends on whether or not a two year old gets up on the right side of the bed or not—so, we went. The whole family. I even made my husband pack up his computer and come with us so we could spend more time there. I didn't have to cook, E could play, my husband could work. The situation was perfect. Determined to turn my day around, I ordered our lunch, E took off to play, dad set up his “office,” and we sat. There were more people than usual and it was harder to keep track of my 2 year old amidst a sea of older school aged kids who just wanted to play with her, asking: “Oh, she's so tiny! Can she play??”

After about 20 minutes of playing/eating a mom came in with her two kids, a boy about 6, and a girl about 4. The two leapt in and joined the others playing just like any other kids would. The mom looked like any other mom, trying to get her kids to eat while they were distracted with playing. (Really I don't know why I find Mc-Donalds play area “relaxing” but I do.) Everything was going great, the two new kids were a little loud, but nothing terrible. Seeing her brother start a game of tag with a couple other boys, his sister wanted to play. She got tagged. Then things got interesting. The little girl shrieked with rage and started to cry. Calmly the mother approached the play space, and called her daughter down towards her. I was honestly impressed at her demeanor, collected, soft, poised, determined to not give her daughter the over-reaction she was looking for. This happened a few times. Other moms in the area were doing a number of different things. Some were looking shocked that her kids would be acting this way, some were trying to avoid eye contact with this desperate mother and her kids (because we've all been there), and others, still, were doing a mix of both—telling their children not to play with hers. This mother was getting more and more distressed with every passing fit. Eventually, she grew tired of having to end fights between her kids and had to put her screaming daughter in a high chair so she would sit still enough to strap shoes on her, then she wrangled her son from inside the play area so they could leave. Because all the other moms were looking on (or avoiding doing so) and the other kids were getting awkwardly quiet and still, watching, not understanding what was going on, she must have felt like an exhibit in the zoo. Desperately trying to collect herself, her kids, her drinks, and head out the door, she looked broken.

There are times when you know another human is just struggling to go on, and everyone in the room saw it. The spectacle of pure exhaustion, desperate longing, and embarrassment that beheld the reluctant audience was undeniable. Everyone wanted to say or do something, yet no-one knew what to do. Every mother has been in the situation—it's not uncommon. Whether you are the bystander, or the embarrassed parent, we've all been there. I decided to change it. I honestly don't have much experience on the embarrassed parent side, and E is a pretty easy kid. It was, however, obvious this momma needed some encouragement and a huge glass of wine. What I said was very simple: “It's rough, and sometimes embarrassing, but you're a good mom, and you're doing a good job.” Bursting into tears, this woman who was so strong just 2 seconds before those words left my lips, crumpled in front of me. Telling me about how both of her children had recently been diagnosed with Autism, and she was barely holding it together. Her husband or father (not sure which) had passed away a few days ago, and she was already late for an appointment with her kids. Another more experienced mom came up when she realized what was going on and gave her a huge hug—reassuring her that she wasn't the only one and that everyone has bad days. The new mom later thanked me for approaching because she didn't know how to help. That is why I feel this story needs to be shared.

We tend to sit in the back ground because we are afraid that we will say the wrong thing—that the parent doesn't want sympathy, or that they will rush out without giving you a second glance. These fears hold us back from supporting each other when it's needed most. I want to encourage you to add this phrase to your vocabulary, and when you see a mom struggling in the grocery store, Mc-Donalds, daycare drop off, or wherever you are, say: “You're a good mom. You're doing a good job.” You don't know what that person is going through, and they might not tell you why they are having such a rough day. When was the last time someone told you honestly that you are a good mom? This simple phrase can be a life changer for someone going through a hard time. It could be a life changer for you. Likely you won't use this all the time or even every day, but next time you are the bystander, I urge you to overcome your fear of rejection and approach the other mom to reassure her that she's doing a good job. That you know how hard being a mom is, and you see her trying the best for her children. Isn't that all any of us are doing, anyway? Trying to be our best selves for the kids we are trying so hard to raise right? Overthinking every single reaction to an incident thinking we could have done something better? Losing it some days because none of us are perfect, and dreading being seen by another parent when it happens?

 What if we all bonded together as a community to encourage each other instead of putting each other down unintentionally? What kind of difference would it make if we all changed the way we interacted just that much? I wager a big one. I also believe that you agree. Because you too, yes, you. You, are a good mom.

How to make what you are teaching stick!

          When you are teaching a child anything, the biggest concern you have is if what you are doing is worth your time. "Are they paying attention?" "I seriously JUST told you this yesterday!!" "Did he seriously just pick his nose, then eat it...?" Don't fret! You are not alone! -- All kids pick their nose.

          The first key to making sure that your student is actually learning what you're trying to teach them, is finding out their specific learning style. There are a few-- Visual, Aural, and Kinesthetic. This does take a little trial and error, but usually you can tell how your child learns pretty quickly. Usually you find students who have a balance of all of them, but one way will just seem to work better than the others. Take myself for example. When I would be having a really hard time understanding something, my mom would usually have to put whatever I was learning into a song, or read it to me, because I am a VERY aural learner. But I also learn Kinesthetically.

Here are some tips on teaching and recognizing the different learning styles!

Visual: You might recognize this learning style if your student has a vivid imagination, a strong memory, a good sense of direction, or an interest in art or crafts.  When teaching in this style, it will help if your student has visual cues to assist with whatever they are having a hard time remembering. Such as flash cards, a felt story board, and books. 

Aural: You might recognize this learning style if your student has an aptitude for music, strong verbal ability, ability to recognize sounds others may not, listens well, or can follow verbal instructions. When teaching in this style, it might help to play a certain type of music while studying. Having the child sing or read aloud what he/she is studying, or reading aloud to the student.

Kinesthetic: Your might recognize this learning style if your student has a strong ability in sports or dance, Tendency to fidget while studying, a love of hands on activities,  early physical development, or sharp hand eye coordination. When teaching in this style it will help if you can give your child as many hands on opportunities as physically possible. Letter beads, fidget tools, color sorters, and exercises-- to name a few

If you've enjoyed this article, and or need a little more info on the subject here are a few links that could help:

https://www.noodle.com/articles/how-to-identify-your-childs-learning-style

http://www.umassd.edu/dss/resources/facultystaff/howtoteachandaccommodate/howtoaccommodatedifferentlearningstyles/

https://teach.com/what/teachers-teach/learning-styles/

I'd also be willing to answer any questions you may have in the comments!

Happy Teaching!

Why I Homeschool

**Disclaimer** This article is to provide food for thought, not to start an argument! I purposefully didn't put references into this article, because I don't want to be throwing facts in your face, but instead my purpose is to give you some ideas on why homeschoolers (specifically myself) do what they do, and make the decision in the first place to homeschool their kids. Thank you for understanding, and I hope you enjoy it, and get some good hours of thought on the subject because of it!


          My little one is just about 3 months old now. She is a spry, alert, and funny little thing. Who smiles, and laughs, all the time! She puts her hands in her mouth, and laughs at herself while she does it. She is just barely learning that toys are fun, and that she wants to hold onto things! (Especially mom's hair!)
          The more I get into this mom thing, the more I realize that we are all homeschoolers. We all teach our babies how to walk, talk, eat, smile, laugh, hold things, roll over, etc. Everything we do, and show them is teaching them something.
          Maybe I'm crazy, but I don't believe in a magic number. Where suddenly you are old enough to drive a car. Suddenly you are old enough to be tried as an adult. Suddenly you are too old for your parents to teach you things. It doesn't exist in my mind. I am not condemning anyone for sending their children to school. Nor am I saying that public schools are awful. They are not! In fact, I'm very thankful that we have the option to send our children to a school, for free, if needed! They are assets in our communities, and I am not opposed to them at all, nor am I saying that we should close all the schools, and everyone should keep their kids home. I am however saying that it should not be the norm. It should not be expected from people, or the state, that you should willingly send your precious little one into a classroom with absolutely no input on what is said or what goes on inside it. That you should ask no questions, and send them guns a-blazing into a mission field that they are not prepared for at 4 years old.
          You've been doing a fine job teaching your child his/her colors, letters, and basic physics. Why does it suddenly stop when your child needs to go to Kindergarten, or Preschool, or whatever the law is in your state? It doesn't, because you are still having to teach your child. They come home with homework, and things they need to learn. You are still having to teach them how to add, and read, and explode a volcano in your living room. You just have less time to do it in, instead of the whole day, where they can ask you questions, and you can make sure they aren't coming home saying "Hey, mom! Hold your tongue and say 'Apple"! It will be funny!". You now only have about four hours before bed time.
          Now, I know this is not the normal opinion. I also know that if many people get their hands on this who do not hold these  same opinions, I will be openly mocked, and railed on. Nevertheless,  they are my opinions. Thank God I live in America where I can share them.
          Anyway, I digress. That is why I believe in homeschooling with every fiber of my being. Being homeschooled myself, I can tell you all the studies that show that homeschoolers normally hold a higher IQ than public schoolers( http://www.hslda.org/docs/news/201008030.asp ), and that we are entering and winning all the Spelling Bee's. But I won't because you've heard that all before. What you haven't heard, however is that I have reasons for wanting to keep my baby home. And that I am actually honestly glad my parents did the same for me. That I am not some well read, unsocial freak of nature who cannot converse with people in real life. And that my daughter will not be either.

I'm homeschooling my little baby already--why should I stop, and why am I actually encouraged to do so?

Welcome to Motherhood!

          The last time I wrote, I had no idea what was coming. I had no idea the sleepless nights, the stretch marks, the pain, the frustration, the love, the joy, the cuteness, the craziness, and the obscene amounts of caffeine that motherhood suddenly throws on you at the drop of a hat. One second all you can think is "Get this thing OUT of ME!!!" acting like a moron trying to summon all your strength into those final moments that you think will FINALLY make you skinny, and sane again. (After all. Those pregnancy hormones... the insane, and irrational things that they are.) When Suddenly. As if a switch was flipped in your chromosomes, in your DNA. Suddenly. Instantly. All you can think about is your baby.
           For me, I had a plan (as I always do.) my baby would not have her first bath until at least a week old. She would start breast feeding within the first hour of her existence. She would cry. She would hold my finger in her precious little hand. But, like most my plans, God heard and said "Sorry. I have more in store for you, your family, and your little one." and my plans were dashed within that single moment. All my plans for starting my babies life out were gone. She came out un-responsive, and was rushed to the NICU. As if to say "Hey. Welcome to Motherhood, where nothing goes your way. Ever." Thinking on my feet, and go with the flow have never been my strong suites. But I've had to learn that pretty much nothing goes the way you want it to. But God is good, and will supply you with good friends, and a good church, so you are able to go at this life head on, and with a little support.
          Anyway, I digress. It seems like when you're pregnant, everyone and their dog has something to say about it. Even complete and total strangers at the grocery store. And no-one seems to say what you need to hear, because even you don't really know what you need to hear (After all, you are new to this). So, if you're going to be a new parent, I'm not going to tell you what you think you need to hear. Because you've probably heard it all already. You've heard all the terrifying stories about how someone needed an emergency C-Section. How Someone went into shock, and shook all over while their baby was coming at 28 week's gestation. How if you sleep on your stomach you'll crush the baby. And my favorite: You're eating to much Sugar! You're baby is going to be hyperactive!
(I probably ate at least one candy bar a day, and my baby is the calmest little person you'll ever meet. Babies are different. The baby doesn't eat everything you do. That's not how the placenta and umbilical chord work.) Do yourself a favor, and don't listen. Don't make the mistake I did, and get all wrapped up in what people say. If you fight that battle now, you won't have to fight it later. Everyone only has more to say once the baby comes. And believe me, they have way more material to work with! If you don't feel like you need to sleep while the baby is sleeping. Don't. Take the opportunity to get something done, because you will kick yourself if you don't. If you feel like you need to lick your babies face. Do it. It's your baby, and no-one else knows what is best for them except you. (You might get teased pretty sorely about licking your baby... but, no judgment here.)
          The most important piece of advice I can give you is not to loose yourself. Your little baby depends on you. And if you can't depend on yourself, your baby has no real ground to stand on. Don't loose your desires, or your ambitions. You might have to put something on hold for a while, but don't forget yourself and what you want to do. Your life as a mother is important, yes. But your life as a person is important as well. Don't forget that.
          All this to say: Don't make plans. Don't lose yourself. And don't listen to people. Enjoy your journey into motherhood. Because even though it seems to go very slowly, it is the fastest most memorable journey you will ever encounter.

Welcome to Motherhood!

Don't Blink.